Trauma – Wherever you are on your journey, Mindfulness is an option, today.
By Kelly Berthold, LCSW
Going through a traumatic event can often lead to many challenges; mentally, emotionally, physically, socially, and beyond. These challenges are very real and can leave individuals feeling out of touch with themselves, their loved ones, and the world around them. After going through a traumatic event, one may feel empty and detached, experience extreme emotions, or even vacillate back and forth. It can be a struggle to connect with themselves or others, which may increase a sense of helplessness and loss of control that many often experience after trauma. Mass shootings may lead to disenfranchised grief, which is when society does not know how to validate, acknowledge or support your pain after trauma. This is a weakness and problem with society, not with you.
Whatever you may be experiencing, it is not wrong, bad, unnatural, or incorrect. You are going through a very human, albeit painful, experience whether you have survived a mass shooting, your loved one has survived a mass shooting, or you have lost a loved one in a mass shooting. The pain is real and valid, and you may also want to feel connected to yourself and loved ones and be more in control of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. So what can be done? Mindfulness is one way to meet ourselves where we are today and can help build a foundation for meeting our basic human needs (eat, sleep, hygiene, hydration, safety, shelter) while also opening opportunities to connect back with ourselves and others.
Mindfulness, what does it mean? Mindfulness means to be able to be present now, in the moment. To be able to direct and bring our full attention deliberately to what is happening currently within and around ourselves. Mindfulness is in direct opposition to multitasking, avoiding, suppressing, blocking, going on "auto-pilot," or disconnecting. After a trauma, the brain may tell itself to do those mental behaviors because it's trying to protect us from danger. The brain is also trying to continuously scan for potential threats. These cognitive self-defenses are to aid us, not hurt us; however, they can become detrimental if we are in these states frequently or for a long period of time.
To practice mindfulness, attention can either be brought to focus intentionally on something or to open awareness to whatever arises.
We can deliberately focus on thoughts, emotions, or body sensations within ourselves, or we can focus attention on what is happening outside of us; a phone call with a family member, a work email, a binge-worthy television show, an embrace from a friend, that first cup of coffee, or petting your dog.
Opening awareness is like laying on the grass and watching the clouds go by. Noticing thoughts, emotions, physical sensations as they come and go within ourselves. Opening awareness externally may be watching trees swaying in the breeze, traffic moving, or taking in all the scenery on a walk. Not deliberately focusing on one cloud, one tree, one car, but taking in the whole picture and allowing things to come and go naturally.
For those who have gone through a traumatic experience, being mindful and deliberately focusing or opening awareness and attention to the present moment may be a daunting, potentially terrifying, or extremely difficult notion. That's where nonjudgmentalness, kindness, and compassion come in. To be mindful and present nonjudgmentally is to be able to see a thought as just a thought, a feeling as just a feeling, a sensation as just a sensation without calling the experience "good" or "bad." Nonjudgmentalness is seeing without evaluating. Kindness and compassion are important because as human beings, it is in our nature to judge, and so when we inevitably do judge, we strive to acknowledge the judgment, and with kindness and compassion for ourselves, tell ourselves it's okay and that we are open to trying again.
For those who have gone through traumatic events, it is possible that their minds may be pulled to be overly present to the trauma and pain that they are going through. Working with a therapist that specializes in trauma could be beneficial to learn how to be present with the trauma and the thoughts, memories, sensations, and emotions trauma provokes safely and at one's own pace. A trauma-informed therapist can work with you to help you slowly expose yourself to being present to thoughts, sensations, and feelings that are distressing. We want to be kind to ourselves when our mind pulls us to thoughts and feelings that are painful. When we are in distress, being mindful can be a useful tool so we can be aware that we need help. This mindful awareness allows for the opportunity to potentially acknowledge options for getting our needs met in the moment. Mindfulness helps give us choices of where we want to direct our attention, rather than feeling like we are helpless to the experience of the trauma. Mindfulness provides for the chance to be proactive rather than reactive.
Mindfulness comes in many forms, including (but not limited to) prayer, meditation, mindful movement, and opening and focusing attention. One can literally practice being mindful doing anything. There is nothing one does that can't also be done mindfully. This is great, as this provides for plenty of opportunities to practice! Although mindfulness can be done anywhere while doing anything, it also is a challenging mental practice that requires, at times, a great deal of energy. It literally requires more calories! For those who have gone through trauma, mindfulness can be all that more difficult. Difficult does not mean impossible; however, it means we need to acknowledge where we are now, so we can then decide what we need in order to get to where we want to go.
Doing pleasant activities mindfully is a great first step. Mindfully open the blinds in the morning and look at the scenery. Mindfully listen to a song that promotes a sense of calm or joy. Mindfully wash your hair in the shower. Mindfully tell yourself you're brave, or it's okay to take a break. Mindfully go for a walk and feel the fresh air in your lungs. Whatever you choose to do to practice mindful awareness, let nonjudgmentalness, kindness, and compassion join along for the ride.
Think of one pleasant thing that you can do mindfully today. Whether you are able to focus for a few seconds or for many minutes, it's a success worth acknowledging. Try to add mindfulness moments sprinkled throughout your day. It is natural to get distracted, and when we ultimately do get distracted, we nonjudgmentally acknowledge our mind went somewhere else, and then we kindly and gently redirect our attention back to our mindfulness activity. Over and over and over again. It doesn't matter how frequently we get distracted, it doesn't matter how quickly we become distracted, what matters is that we are willing to try to bring our attention back again and again. Mindfulness, nonjudgmentalness, kindness, and compassion take practice and time. That's okay. Meet yourself where you are now, in this moment.
